"I Long for a Normal 24 Hours"

What is 'Normal' anyway.....I can't even remember a Normal Day.

Since the Birth of my Grandbabies....I've dreamed of being able to go outside and romp around the grass with them (when the weather gets warmer that is), but Honestly, I don't think that is going to be a Reality for me.....the Reality for ME is this:

I'll have to some how gate up the whole entire yard, park MY Butt somewhere Neutral (in a chair nearby), make sure I have "reinforcement" in case things get out of hand...like them trying to get out of the barricade I'd set up for their protection (and My "helper")....and try and act like I am playing along right with them......Now how & the heck am I gonna be able to pull THAT off, hhmmm......
they are smart lil kiddies....I think they may figure out what is going on, don't you.

While deciding what to write on this, I tried to think back at the times when I was able to 'do things'.....and I started searching, and it brought me back to when I was in my 20's I guess....boy, they were the days....I was soooo much more faster then, even in Thought.
I used to be able to remember sooo much, but now.....not soo much.

I remember getting up for work, rushing around to make sure things at home were good while I was out.....but now, I couldn't even see myself leaving out for 8 hours a day and doing Anything.....my thoughts would be on "needing to get home to take my meds. before I had a Flare Up @ work".....the focus would deff. be off of work.
Or the fact that I would have to get up extra, extra early in order to be @ work on time, because I would be in soo much pain trying to get dressed & everything.....it would just be a total disaster.

And because I used to be an Office Assistant, the whole sitting for a long time would not go over too well either.

I often find myself watching other people go about doing their Day to Day things....and say to myself "how much I miss that".
How THEY, should thank GOD for being able to do the little simple things in Life....like, being able to bend down and pick up their lil one without fail, Or be on their knees doing whatever one does on their knees, lol....THAT'S a biggie for Me.
Whenever I see someone on their knees....I cringe, because I know how it feels to be on mine.....YIKES!!!

I used to be a Gardener....and I loved it soo much, but those days are long gone for me....even if I took my pain meds. prior, after the work was done....I am going to be in some serious trouble later on.


I try to stay possitive about those things....I mean, there was a time when I COULD do them.....so I should be greatful that I DID engage in such things at one time, but at the same time....I miss them and I wish I could do them again......(sighhh).


I worry about My future with this illness......what it holds for Me.


I pray that it doesn't get worse to the point where I am Totally Dependent upon the ones I love......so I try to stay possitive!!!





Naimah